First trimester reflection

36
“Everything grows rounder and wider and weirder, and I sit here in the middle of it all and wonder who in the world you will turn out to be.” Carrie Fisher
I am now firmly planted in the second trimester (weeks 14-26 of pregnancy.) I have been hesitant to write about pregnancy. It’s something new and exciting- I’m certainly no expert.
But I’m not an expert on minimalism either. Nor am I an expert on veganism, feminism or anything else I write about. I simply write from my own exploration of the topic and my experience. And so many of you read my posts and raise your hand and say, “Me too! I understand you!”
And so, I will write about pregnancy. My pregnancy. Not as an expert, but as a person experiencing it right now. I will be as honest as authentic as I can be, and maybe some of you will say, “Me too.”
As I head into my third trimester I want to reflect on the first. Weeks seven through fourteen nearly killed me. I’m not trying to sound dramatic, I quite literally walked around feeling like I was going to die. I would wake up with nausea, getting so violently sick I was left crying on the bathroom floor. Each time I tried to wake, move, eat or drink I was sick again. I lost six pounds. I cursed the people that call it “morning sickness” when really it lasts the entire day (and night.) Looking back I have no idea how I got through each day at the office.
But I did. I did get through it. With the love and care of my fiance. With kisses from the puppies and knowing looks from the few people I had told. If you are currently in your first trimester experiencing this extreme sickness know that it will end. Even though you want to punch everyone that tells you that, I promise it will. You will think back on it as a distant memory as your baby continues to develop and grow.
The only bright spot during that extremely difficult time was the 12 week ultrasound. We got too see our baby on a big screen. With dim lights and Beatles’ music playing in the background. Baby did flips. He flipped and flopped and wiggled around. We cried and cried and I knew I had never been so happy in my whole life.
Other beautiful things that happened in the first trimester? We got engaged, we put the crib together, we picked a name, we found out our parenting styles are so beautifully complementary. I felt baby move. It feels like wings fluttering…it feels like magic. 
My overarching philosophy during the first trimester? Pregnancy is the happiest reason ever for feeling like crap.
We have a secret in our culture, and it’s not that birth is painful. It’s that pregnancy is, and that women are strong. To all the mamas reading this, I salute you. I love you and I honor you.
More soon,
Bonnie Rae xx

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